23/03/26
Nothing can ever prepare you for this
Anyone can become disabled at anytime is something you'll often hear disabled folks saying, I've said it myself a few times. It's meant to highlight the importance of being an ally to disabled folks and advocating for our rights and our needs by pointing out that everyone will become disabled at some point; that could be through an accident, old age or you might wake up one day with a chronic illness. It's an important statement and I definitely think non-disabled people (or not yet disabled as I heard one person say) need to remember that.
However, even those of us who are already disabled, forget that we can still develop other conditions at anytime, or atleast I did. Well, thats' a lie. I
've spent the past few months worrying that I would develop another condition. It's a scary thought when you're barely managing the ones you already have. I knew it was likely I'd end up with another illness or disorder, I just forgot how quickly it can happen.
When I was 11, I got my first period. It was absolute hell and ever since then I've been determined to get a hysterectomy. I most likely had endometriosis and adenomyosis before I had started my periods but for the past 6 years, it didn't really bother me that much. I only had issues the week before and week of my period and then I'd go back to being fine. Over the years my symptoms did get worse but I didn't consider myself disabled. Then, on October 3rd 2025, I woke up. I felt really nauseous but I went about my morning and went to school. Two hours later I had to go home, the nausea was so bad that I couldn't focus. Then the pain started, and it hasn't stopped 5 months later. That day everything changed. Before that day I had toyed with the idea of considering myself disabled but that was the day my conditions really became a disability. It all happened so fast, the day before I was fine, the day after I wasn't.
Over the past few months I have settled into my idenity as someone who is disabled by endometriosis and adenomyosis, those were my conditions and that was it. But, as I'm sure you can guess, that has changed.
Last Monday, I was sat where I am now (on my bean bag in my room) doing the exact same thing that I'm doing now (coding), my legs were twitchy and it was bugging me, but I didn't think it meant anything. All of a sudden, my head started going back on its own. It felt like someone had attatched a string to my head and they were pulling it. I freaked out, ran to my parents room in tears and then proceeded to spend 15 very long hours in pediatric A&E. When I was finally discharged, I was told that I possibly have functional neurological disorder. In 24 hours, my life had been changed once again. I'm trying to get used to the idea that I have another condition, I still can't believe it. It was, and still is, a huge shock.
Nothing can prepare you for becoming disabled, and nothing can prepare you for developing another condition. It's hard and it sucks. No one wants to be disabled (unless you're someone who identifies as 'transabled' in which case, please fuck off) and no one want's to develop more conditions. I'd rather not be disabled but I was atleast becoming tolerant to the idea that I am, and I was just finally starting to find my footing. But now I have a new condition and who knows, maybe I'll develop another.